Illustrated by EEK.
I have a hard time celebrating Thanksgiving. Don’t get me wrong, I love turkey, stuffin’, pie, mash’d ‘taters, spending time with family, and my all-time favorite food in the universe: Watergate Salad. However, there’s this very narrow image we have of pilgrims from the Mayflower and people from the Wampanoag tribe feasting, and having a good ‘ol time. While that one moment in time may have brought a small respite to both the native and foreign people of the region, the following decades would prove devastating for everyone involved - from a dispute with Dutch fur traders over control of lands purchased from the Pequot people, to King Philip’s War, Smallpox epidemics, the enslavement of Natives, and New England Witch Hunts. It feels as though the only people to emerge from this era in a better position were - already wealthy - European merchants.
I don’t point out these things to judge, or broadly lay blame on specific groups of people (although the Salem Witch Trials were pretty gnarly). My hesitation with celebrating Thanksgiving is more an acknowledgement and solemn reminder of the human cost that has brought us to where we are today.
Five UFOs approach Earth from outer space. The aliens in the lead ship announce, “We’ve arrived! … to colonize The New World.” Two of the trailing ships exclaim, “So much excite!” and “I hear they have gourds!”.
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