taleas
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Dad Jokes

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Escargot

#3: Escargot

Once there was a snail who was tired of being slow. He went out and bought a really fast sports car and had the dealer paint a big "S" on each side of it. Now, whenever someone sees him zooming past in his new car, they say, "Hey, look at that s-car go!"
Got Whacked

#22: Got Whacked

A forest of Christmas trees with one stump. One tree asks, "Hey, what happened to Ed?" to which another responds, "He got whacked."
Addicted Eskimo #2

#55: Addicted Eskimo #2

An eskimo - pointing to a new freezer - sheepishly tries to explain the purchase to a polar bear, "What? it was on sale!"
Pi

#56: Pi

A frustrated female stick figure with a pony tail asks a human-sized letter pi, "It just never ends with you does it?"
Dead Party Skeletons

#76: Dead Party Skeletons

Two skeletons are sitting on a tiny desert island. One skeleton is laying down sunbathing, drinking a beverage and the other is seated. The seated skeleton says, "Man, this party is dead." to which the other skeleton replies, "Tell me about it."
Sleeping Pill and Laxative Before Bed

#82: Sleeping Pill and Laxative Before Bed

An elderly stick figure is imparting wisdom to a child stick figure. "What's the best advice I can give?" "Never take both a sleeping pill and a laxative before bed."
My Job Sucks

#88: My Job Sucks

A roll of toilet paper says, "And you think your job sucks..."
Shark

#89: Shark

A man standing on the beach yelling, "Shark!" with a shark in the distance. Dramatic pause. The shark responds, "What?"
Snowmen and the Yellow Snow

#91: Snowmen and the Yellow Snow

Two snowmen are in a field of snow. The name "Bob" is written in the snow in pee with a little bit on the snowman on the right. The other snowman says, "Hey! Look on the bright side. At least it wasn't a dog this time."
Free Range Children

#97: Free Range Children

Two witches standing around a cauldron. There is a cage in the background containing two children. One witch says to the other, "Oh sorry, but I only eat free-range children."
Eyes Scream

#99: Eyes Scream

Two eyeballs look at each other and scream.
Ice Scream

#100: Ice Scream

A cube of ice is melting into a puddle and screaming.
I Scream

#101: I Scream

The lower-case letter i screaming in a crazy, unhinged manner with the letters h and j looking on very freaked out and screaming.
The Grape Escape

#102: The Grape Escape

A refrigerator sits open. A cluster of grapes lays on the floor in front of the refrigerator exclaiming, "freedom!".
Koalafications

#113: Koalafications

The robot supervisor is interviewing a koala. The koala has climbed the back of the interviewing chair. Robot supervisor says, "We need a candidate with better koalafications."
Graveyard Dead Party

#125: Graveyard Dead Party

Two partial skeletons stick out of their graves in an old cemetery with numerous broken headstones, surrounded by a broken-down fence. One skeleton states to the other skeleton, "Man, this party's dead." A skeletal arm sticks out of another grave holding a red solo cup. Two ghosts (one wearing a baseball cap and the other in a party hat) chat unassumingly in the background.
Feeling A 'lil Gassy

#127: Feeling A 'lil Gassy

Two volcanoes are situated next to each other in the ocean. One has puffs of gas emitting from the caldera, and states, “I’ve been feeling a lil gassy lately.”
World Peas

#134: World Peas

Eight peas are depicted with different cultural headwear: Pharaoh, Asian conical hat, chonmage, plad trapper hat, fur hood, baseball cap, indian woman, and woman with sugar skull makeup.
My Parenting Regression

#143: My Parenting Regression

A male stick figure enters a playroom where a female stick figure and a child stick figure are playing. The male stick figure proudly proclaims, "I would like everyone to know...I just went pee in the potty!". With hands raised high, the child exclaims, "Yay Daddy!" and the female encourages, "Good job!".
You Make a Good Point

#146: You Make a Good Point

A pink eraser is chatting with a very sharp #2 pencil. The eraser says, "You do make a good point".